I dug up my old blog tonight - the one I wrote while I was in Haiti. Although reading through my writing was a bit embarrassing, it was also encouraging to see how much I have learned and grown in my understanding of the Gospel and Christ. I reread this post several times - four years after writing it, it still resonates deeply with me --
|| July, 2010 - Stability is so important to me, and I feel like God keeps taking away any tiny thing in my life that resembles something stabile – just to prove that He’s the only stable thing. So today I had a hard time with that. I cried and told God that I wanted off this island. I said mean things to my sister, but she forgave me, then made me feel better. She told me a story about my dad. It was an amazing story. I cried I was laughing so hard.
Then I told God I was sorry, and that I do want to stay here. Sometimes, it’s just hard.
~
The moral of this story is that some days in haiti are hard. Sometimes all day is hard, and sometimes just a few minutes of the day are hard. But every day there is lots of good (today, six-year-old-Ludjier told me i was beautiful when I was laying on my bed crying). And I want to be where God wants me. And this is where God wants me, so I’m happy. ||
Craving stability has been a reoccurring theme in my life. I like some adventure and excitement mixed in, but I want a plan. I want to know what is coming up and how I can prepare. For years now, God has been teaching me how to trust Him and to quit grasping for control. I distinctly remember the night that I wrote that post - although I could have never imagined that in 4 years I would be a wife and mom doing ministry among an unreached people group in Seattle - I did understand that God was teaching me a valuable lesson that I needed to learn for future ministry. I remember God revealing so much about himself to me during my time there, I am so thankful for the way that he prepared me for future kingdom work.
